While going on a run yesterday, aside from getting tripped by two birds in flight of course, I was thinking about my body. It is not my own. Just like my mind. Just like my heart. I am not my own regardless of how I might choose to live or options I decide or thoughts I think. I am not my own.

Crawl back up on the altar. Die to self. I am first Jesus’. 

Romans 12.1 “Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Another really cool thought – A moment of gratitude and an offering of Praise – I miss my First Love. Earlier that morning I was working on Women of the Word homework, well cramming for the weekend. Good job, I know. But it is during times like those that I really, really miss my Lord. And I praise Him that I have the thought. Even though while reading theology I am learning about Jesus and doctrine, it is NOT His Word; it doesn’t satisfy. Really the best way to describe it would be that I’m thirsty still. And I realize it and this is made real when I pray. And I think, “Wow, Jesus, I miss you.” Even though I’m still learning there is a proximity lacking, a closeness that I long for. It’s encouraging to me because it is a closeness that is familiar and that I have had before. Ah, I’m so grateful. I picture my head being pressed up against His chest and this equating the familiar warmth and nearness I miss – Grudem’s just doesn’t do that for me. Haha yay for real life.

I love His realness. I love His presence. Everywhere. I praise Him that I miss Him. I praise Him that He really is my First Love. I love Dave, my fiance, but it is nothing compared to my love for Jesus. I can’t even make words to explain that. It is just different.

He is to be praised.

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” ~Psalm 73.25&26

One response to “Yesterday…

  1. justjess11 May 25, 2009 at 1.44 am

    Girl, I just re-read this again this morning. I love it. Please continue to write. I love being inside your head – if just for a few minutes. God is so real to you, and I love hearing you talk about Him.

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